Smile Please!

 Behind my smile, there is a pain, which is inflicted by society. This society solely defines me by my looks. The society, which judges me for carrying extra pounds in my body, the society which makes me feel uncomfortable in my own body. This society looks down upon me.

For the first time, I wanted to question whether it is society or me which is inducing the mental pain. The urge of wanting to achieve wonders, but the pain of not being able to achieve them is killing me. This sounds like my will and dedication shattering into pieces. I never imagined, that there would be a point in my life where I would feel helpless and desperate. I never imagined myself understanding the true meaning behind the question "What are you going to do, now,?".  

The fear of going through the same pain makes me comply with an invisible devil. This devil is so evil, that I am compelled to walk towards the path of harming my health, most importantly my mental health. Looking into other's life, the joy they are showered with instigates a flavor of jealousy within me. This jealousy is indeed bitter, but I am so engrossed with it that I engulf it like a sweet poison. 

Their eyes are like arrows and their mouths are like cannons, but instead of killing me instantly, they are killing me slowly and painfully. I don't know what to say or what to hear, but the profound voice inside me is begging me to get an answer to only one question and that is " Where and when will I be truly happy?".